The story of a ball being dropped over, & over, & over... It isn't as crazy as some adoption journey stories, but man, it sure has been ridiculous.
Ridiculous.
I know that it's going to sound like a lot of complaining, but it's really not meant to. All in all, we have been extremely blessed in the people sent our way to work with our family - case workers, case managers, attorneys, judges, etc. So many amazing folks. Mary's case is one of a perfect storm of disorganization, assumptions, & miscommunication. Happily at no point has it threatened her happiness or health. Just our sanity.
Also can I just quickly say that my brain enjoys part 4 being entirely about kid 4? Symmetry is my friend.
Ridiculous.
I know that it's going to sound like a lot of complaining, but it's really not meant to. All in all, we have been extremely blessed in the people sent our way to work with our family - case workers, case managers, attorneys, judges, etc. So many amazing folks. Mary's case is one of a perfect storm of disorganization, assumptions, & miscommunication. Happily at no point has it threatened her happiness or health. Just our sanity.
Also can I just quickly say that my brain enjoys part 4 being entirely about kid 4? Symmetry is my friend.
August 13, 2012 - So, remember how they were like "Hey, TPR is in August & this baby will totally be adopted by the end of the year?" Yah, no. This day marks the most frustrating court hearing I've ever been a part of. Mary's case worker had to go on emergency medical leave, so her supervisor took over, & despite it being extremely straightforward, he failed to read anything about the case & thus came across as disastrously uninformed. Like, bad. He fumbled answers left & right, said "I don't know" to questions I knew the answer to (which was especially frustrating as I was sitting right there but couldn't do a darn thing about it), was ripped apart by a court appointed lawyer representing the biological mom (I might add that she was not present), accidentally perjured himself on several occasions, & in the end the judge threw us out all of the courtroom. He said "Okay, everyone out. Move along. Get out." We were told by Mary's attorney ad litem that we should expect to hear back in a couple of weeks.
September 2012 - Waiting on judge. All. Month. Long.
October 2012 - After the longest "2 weeks" ever, we hear back - termination finalized on biological mom & unknown father. Now starts the 90-day appeal period in which family or close friends to the biological family can step forward. I should explain that part of what the judge was so angry about was that he ordered a home study be don eon the maternal grandparents early on, per their request. I want to say that we have incredible sadness in our hearts when it comes to Mary's biological family & pray for them daily. They have many extremely unique challenges, & though the original case worker tried over & over to schedule a time with them, she was always rebuffed. Or their had changed their phone number. Or their address. I knew this story, but somehow the supervisor had failed to understand why that home study had not been conducted, & the judge thought the order had been ignored. That all said, when the original case worker came back from leave, she submitted a retroactive home study with an unfavorable finding based on lack of compliance. That was all that was needed. *sigh* So, while this appeal period is always a wait-and-see time, the only people ever having expressed interest in a home study had been disqualified, & there was no sense that anyone else would come forward.
December 2012 - No one else came forward. Our 90-days is up at the end of the month, & we are finally transferred to adoptions. Obviously the adoption-by-the-end-of-the-year thing was not so, but we are happy to finally be moving forward again.
January 2013 - We meet our new adoption worker & wait on the packet from the subsidy negotiators at DFPS; Mary has some serious health concerns that are being monitored closely. She is doing extremely well right now, but will need to be monitored closely for several years, & thus should qualify for continued medical care post adoption. No one thinks this will be a problem.
February 2013 - Mary turns one! She is sweet & stubborn & her middle toes are longer than all the rest & we just can't imagine life without her. We throw a You Are My Sunshine party & the whole family comes to love on her. We also receive & turn in our adoption paperwork & secure our lawyer, only to discover a gross oversight: despite my asking for the verification & being told that they have it but "can't give out copies anymore" but that it was all fine, the new adoption worker realizes that no one ever filed for a social security number for Mary.
So she doesn't have one.
So they have to file for one. When she is one year old.
My brain is sleepy. More to come...
This is so incredible! In some ways, our story mirrors yours. Except we are still in the home study process, hoping to be licensed next week. You have NO idea what a blessing reading all this has been to me. Don't worry about the people that "had it harder" than you. Compared to you, our infertility is easy peasy. But infertility is HARD. No matter the struggle or journey. It's hard, it hurts, it's isolating, etc. You know all this. Like ya'll, we never considered foster care/adoption. It just never occurred to us! But when it became an "option", we were hesitant at first. Can we handle it? What if the child goes home? We would devastated! But by the time we attended orientation, we knew. THIS was how we were to become parents. Why did it take so long?! Now we are totally sure that this is what God intended for us to do. Now we are nervously, anxiously anticipating the little blessings God will send our way. Thank you, thank you, thank you for opening up your heartache and journey for folks to read.
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