Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Adopting Can Be Scary | New Article on Adoption.com

So, if you know me in real life, you know part of this story: I was terrified to adopt. The whole process seemed so daunting. I would say things like "We'd love to adopt in the future, when we're a little more grown-up." 

Come to think of it, as upset as 23-year-old-infertile-me got at doctors not taking me seriously (I was continuously given the "You're young, just be patient" speech), I didn't take myself terribly seriously. 

I just had an epiphany, folks. 

I'm glad we were all here to see it happen. 

But yes. I was scared. It is scary to jump into the unknown, no question. 

Here are some thought up on adoption.com today about how I finally moved beyond that. 

"If I got bold and decided to talk about adoption with my husband (who, by the way, always replied with an emphatic, “Absolutely, I am interested in this. How would you like to get started?” and is maybe the most patient man alive), I almost immediately followed with conditions to be met before we even started looking into it—things like re-sodding the backyard, and getting a few raises under our belts, and convincing my parents to move closer to us.

If I allowed myself to peruse options online, I was quickly overwhelmed and gave up.
I often recapped the many ways I was a failure: Not only could I not carry a baby myself, but I wasn’t strong enough to continue with fertility treatments. I wasn’t brave enough (or organized enough, or wealthy enough, or enough of numerous other things) to consider adoption, and I felt guilty because I knew I was terribly caught up in my own temporary struggles, but I couldn’t figure out how not to be. My world was small and kind of sad, for a time.
This perpetuated until one day I stumbled upon a website devoted to kids waiting to be adopted, and I recognized that I couldn’t even fathom the fear of not having a safe, loving, permanent place in a family to call mine."
Read the rest here, and if you'd like, leave a comment. What scares you about adoption? If you have adopted, what gave you courage through the process? 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

The Second Sunday in May | New Article on Adoption.com

After a long hiatus, courtesy of unexpected homeschooling and some super fun surgery on my lady parts - and a subsequent snowball of things to catch up on and mini breakdowns to have related to these things - I am feeling ready to write again. 

I will write about the events of the last few months later, probably. But not right now. 

Right now, it's almost Mother's Day. This is a rough day for many in the circles I frequent. I have seen many a post about this day and infertility, and that's part of it. It just plain sucks to be infertile and childless on Mother's Day. But what I have found (which surprised me quite a lot, as so many aspects of parenting have) is that even after the babies come, it's hard. Just a different kind of hard. 

For me, infertility and foster/adoptive parenting has proven to be an intense empathy workout. My ability to see hurt in others and to exist outside of my own struggles is greater. And because of that, I am more aware of the years I spent inside of those struggles. I was so angry. I judged easily those who seemed to lack appreciation for the things I so desperately wished for. I said awful things to people I love in an effort to explain how much this struggle was hurting me; I remember once, my sweet husband was trying to comfort me by saying that we still had each other, and I blurted that I would never be able to find happiness in a life where I wasn't a mom. 

It wasn't great. 

I love being a mom, so much. But I wish now that I had realized my worth as a mother and a woman was valid before we signed those papers.

I have a new article on adoption.com today about this day that brings up so many feeling for so many mothers. Mothers with children and without. Mothers wading through the process of getting to their babies and mothers who find, much to their surprise, that the feeling of drowning has followed them through to the other side. Here's a peek: 

"Your worth is not tied to how many little heads sit beside you. It is not whether your body will allow you to carry a child, or if you are ready to start a family yet. It’s not in an invitation to stand and be recognized as a mother.

It is, though, found in your strength, and the love you carry with you—whether you have carried a baby or not. It’s the wealth of knowledge you share freely with others, or the note you send to a friend you know is struggling.

It’s that beautiful, tender nurturing that ties us all together as women and keeps humanity moving forward.

Motherhood is deserving of celebration, certainly. But there are stages, there are variations. There are infinitely many more versions of motherhood than there are greeting card options. There are so many women unable to experience motherhood in the way they had dreamed, and finding the joy in that is more than one day can represent."

Read more here. If you feel inclined to leave a comment about your thoughts on Mother's Day, I would love you for it. I'll love you even if you don't, though. ;)

It's good to be back.