Friday, January 23, 2015

Coming back & being a little kinder.

Hey friends.  I've taken a break from writing because honestly, I had way too much happening to handle anything extra.  But last night I was taking mental note of things to write articles on, and I realized I'm ready to be back.  We've had some big changes around here since November (more on that to come), but for now I wanted to share this amazing video.

I still fret and worry about all the things I wasn't able to do for my kids - things like birth them, nurse them - all the things that most moms around me do get to for their little ones.  It's illogical, but I have guilt over their missing a healthy start in this world because I couldn't do it for them.  

My child wouldn't have been born addicted if I had carried her, for instance.  

My children might not be able to reach their best health/attachment/intelligence potential because I wasn't able to breastfeed them.  

My child might not struggle with anxiety and fear had I been there for him when he was a baby.

I makes no sense.  But not all things that hurt make sense.

So this might explain why a formula commercial had me first laughing, then sobbing.  Because of all the times a well-meaning acquaintance interrupted my new-baby bliss with "Aww, she is so sweet!  It's such a shame she has to be formula fed."  Because of the judgement I saw in others first when we were sending our sweet boys off to school ("Don't you think it would be good for them to stay home, considering what they've been through?"), and then when we decided to pull them out after two disastrous years and home school them after  all ("All the home school kids I even knew were really weird" or "It's a shame you didn't just do ths right off the bat" or "Are you sure you're qualified to do this?")

And, if I'm honest with myself, because of the many times before children that I judged others for the choices they made for their families.  The memory of the ideal mom I thought I'd be all the years I waited for children is fainter and fainter as reality moves on, but once upon a time she was fully imagined - a mom who could do it all, whose children were well behaved and dressed at all times, who wasn't at all frazzled or tired.  

But now, the mom I am is doing her very best.  Sometimes it's not great.  Sometimes there's no energy left for cleaning or putting on make up or writing or updating photo albums.  I missed my child's first cry.  I sleep later then I plan to.  Right now my kids are watching Tangled while I write this.

But I'm trying really hard.  Just like the vast majority of moms are.  

So if you are a mom, watch this.  And by all means, let's talk about what works for us, and what doesn't.  Let's share and help and serve and offer respectful advice where welcomed.  And because I come from the perspective I do, where the sad truth is that not everyone does what is necessary, let's be aware and alert and sure that the kids in our community are safe.

But the next time you want to look sideways at another mom (or berate yourself, for that matter) for bottle feeding or co-sleeping or using disposable diapers, maybe just... don't.  Be kind to yourself and to others.  We'll all be better off.  

1 comment:

  1. That video was awesome. I was looking for information on hoarding (we've got an 8 year old who is off the charts) and found your blog. Happy day! :)